Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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