just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
