i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
