And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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