I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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