Dual....:-)
You just made me feel so damn special
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
