You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
