I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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