the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
