took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
