woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize