Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The air was thick with penises
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
