i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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