The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
