god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
