it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize