11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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