i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
