alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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