How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
