I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
