Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
