i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
