Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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