It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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