No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
