That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
this hospital has no fireball
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
