i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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