my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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