I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
