I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
