just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
