lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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