Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
