Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
