So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
