Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How naked do you want me to be?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
