for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
