What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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