next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
