i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
