she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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