About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
