I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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