it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
