dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
