there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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