She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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