3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
