One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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