once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
