Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
