Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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