my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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