He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
