I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
