We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize