im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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