does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
