Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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