Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
