I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
