He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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