community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
