I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
