so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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