i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
