hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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