He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize