I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize