it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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