I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
