Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
