I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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