Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
