you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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