I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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