Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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