she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
