i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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