I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
