so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
