For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
