you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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