I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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