Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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