Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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