the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
