are you still at the devil's house?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
