I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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