Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
honey bunches of taint.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
